Have you ever been at a conference, a cookout, or a networking event and you felt that twinge that says "You should talk to that person".

At this point, like a split in the road we have two choices:

A. Check your instagram for the 231st time today.

B. Start that conversation.

When we meet new people, we get to expand our circle of people. This could lead to a business partnership, a new best friend, or a new client. But you'll never know unless you open your mouth.

There’s a phrase my mentor likes to say:

“90% of the work is done before you enter the room.”

It’s easier to start a conversation after you’ve had a successful conversation.

But how do you start those conversations?

Enter Conversational Muscle Memory.

Conversational Muscle Memory is built on the idea that when you start small, low-stakes conversations throughout your day, it's easier to start more conversations because you’ve built momentum.

Once you’ve built that momentum, it’ll be easier to start a conversation with that one person you really want to talk to at happy hour.

I explain more in this video:

On this episode of BMC Radio, the podcast where I help you supercharge your charisma and people skills I have my friend Paul Sanders (@PaulSandersSCP) from Get The Friends You Want.

Paul Sanders is a friendship & social skills coach, and author of the "Get The Friends You Want" book. He helps people overcome social hesitation, master conversation and social skills, make friends and build a social circle. 

In an age where human connection seems to be tipping more screen than face, I think honing your friendship skills is only getting more important, especially if you're working remote, or starting a business and don't have the traditional 9-5 office culture to fall back on.

In this conversation, we talk about how to build a friendship circle, how to easily connect and build rapport with many different types of people, books on social dynamics, and much more.

7 Most Common Mistakes Peoples People Make When They Try To Improve Their Social Life (And How To Avoid Them)

• 11:45 - Paul’s advice on how to make friends and build a friendship circle.
• 25:00 - The compound effect of stacking different people skills.
• 28:09 - Acquire new knowledge and culture so that you’ll be able to connect with many different types of people.

On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Rob Riker (@robertgriker) from The Social Winner. 

Over the last few months, I've seen a lot of questions about making friends...  
  

• "How do I make friends?"
• "How can I build my friendship circle?"
• "What's the best way to make plans with a new friend?"

​
This podcast will answer all these questions and more. If you've ever wanted a solid strategy around making new friends and connections, this podcast episode is for you. After listening, you'll be able to make new friends on command.

Rob has been featured in Business Insider, Lifehack, The Friend Formula, and Tiny Buddha.

I like Rob's insights on friendship and creating a fulfilling, lasting social circle:

Get Rob's free 8 lesson course on how to make new friends this month here.

19:56 - How to bridge the gap between acquaintances and meeting up a second time
26:15 - The crucial time to swap contact info
34:29 - Should you initiate plans with friends or wait for them to initiate plans?​​

​On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Kyle Ingham (@DistilledMan), founder of The Distilled Man.

Kyle is awesome, he has the poise and style Don Draper and the wit and charm of Ryan Reynolds. (A winning combo for sure.)

In this wide ranging conversation we tackle how to make great first impressions, how to be likable, how to build rapport, negative self talk, giving effective feedback at work, cocktails, and much more.

Kyle has been featured in the San Francisco Examiner, Forbes, The Good Men Project, among others.

Kyle has an excellent free resource for BMC Radio listeners:

The 48 Hour Gentleman: Your One Weekend Plan For More Confidence, Poise, and Manly Know-How.

This excellent guide covers how to cook a steak, get a shirt tailored, male a Manhattan, and much more.

• 15:29 - How to make a great first impression. Kyle's video on first impressions:

• 20:31 - How to get out of your head and be more present in social situations.
• 38:01 - How to give feedback at work that makes both people feel good. (No sh*t sandwiches here)

(Or maybe just by consistently pushing past your comfort zone.)

This episode is geared towards the fellas. (Although I believe there are valuable insights for everyone) Dave has spent the last decade improving himself in the areas of people skills, fitness, and style.

He's gone from shy and reserved to authentically confident and now he helps men in their 20s and 30s do the same.

Highlights:

• ​04:00 - One quick tactic Dave used to stop overthinking and win over a new friend at a dinner party.
• 12:40 - How to avoid information overload and take action on improving your people skills
• 37:00 - The mindset Dave uses to overcome the hesitation of starting conversations.
• 47:45 - How to think about your style and avoiding the imposter syndrome that can come from changing what you wear.

Dave is the Amazon #1 best-selling author of Ready to Roar: How Shy, Quiet, Self-Doubting Guys Become Strong, Charming, Self-Confident Men and the founder of IrreverentGent.com, a blog dedicated to helping guys build confidence.

His work has been featured in The Good Men Project, Well Built Style and Active Man magazine, among others.

Listening Options:

Last night I was sitting on my couch watching Bob Ross on Youtube...like you do, and I stumbled across this video by Bob Ross' son Steve.

​In this video, Ross gets super pumped about painting some mountains, and he messes up. (Side note: The mountains are still more beautiful that any mountains I've seen in real life.)

Dan has been featured on INC, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, Lifehacker, Introvert Spring, and many others. 

In this conversation, we discuss how to become better at small talk than 99% of people. I love Dan's advice because it's so easy to implement. 

If you've ever fiddled with your phone instead of striking up a conversation with someone you've wanted to meet, this podcast is for you.

In this episode you'll learn:

• 13:55 How to make yourself comfortable before you even open your mouth.
• 15:50 A simple tip that Dan's boss gave him: You don't have to have a great idea to say something.
• 30:50 Dan's 3 step framework for mastering small talk

You'll definitely want to grab Dan's free three video mini course on small talk (Including strategies on reducing nervousness) here.

It's basically a tactical guide to thrive at your next dinner party, conference, or networking event.

Also, she has a free gift for Become More Compelling readers. BOOM.

Enter Felicia:

I remember after reading Neil Strauss’s famous book, The Game, I was fascinated by this idea of ‘approach anxiety’. 

It’s typically what a lot of men feel as they are about to approach women -- a tightness in their chest, sweating, and of course, the prominent fear of being rejected.

But what I realized is that ‘approach anxiety’ is not limited to just men. Women feel it, too! And even I experience it myself--and this is what I help people with for a living. When I’m at an event and see a stranger I want to start talking to, my heart starts beating faster, I become self-conscious, and I start to think: “What am I going to SAY?”

This happens every time I've ever hung out with him. 

You probably have people like Josh in your life. 

Perhaps, as you watch them work a room, you ask yourself: "How the f*ck do they do that?"

The answer might surprise you. (Hint: they weren't born with it.)