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​communication style?
Take my quiz and get a custom report with specific tips ​based on your
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Confident Conversations: How To Join & Enjoy Any Conversation

10/25/2018

 
CONFIDENT CONVERSATIONS
Wouldn't it be awesome to know you could walk into any conference, event or happy hour and have confident conversations with any person you meet?

I know my readers do...

"I’d love to feel confident in social situations and know that I can carry conversations." 
​What's funny to me is how most people approach getting better.

What most people do: 

1. Wing it.
2. Don't improve.
3. Wonder why they don't improve...probably eat Cheetos.
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What top performers do:

1. Get barely enough information.
2. Don't overthink it.
3. Act rapidly.

When you're learning how to communicate with confidence, it's crucial to take action quickly. The great thing about people skills is that you get plenty of chances to practice.

Let's talk about a time where I wasn't a top performer...

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Confident Communication: 3 Skills That Will Supercharge Your Message Next Time You Speak Up

10/23/2018

 
Confident communication
Ever notice how life seems effortless for people who have a little extra confidence?  
  
  • When they're in meetings, more often than not people go for their ideas.
  • When they go to a conference, they're usually seen having a great time with a group of new friends.
  • When they pitch a new client, you can almost see the client's mouthwatering.

So what's the deal? Are these people mutants who have these unattainable traits that you can't have?

HELL NO!

Whether you’re leading a meeting, pitching a new client, or starting conversations at happy hour, confident communication is one of the most important skills you can have.

Each of the following three skill is powerful but I recommend stacking all three skills for maximum impact.

1. Eliminate Qualifying Words
Confident communication killers

You're in a meeting, your boss asks you a straightforward question about next steps on a project.

"Well, I just think that we maybe should consider...”

You trail off. 

Somewhere I am softly weeping while lighting a candle in memory of your fallen confidence and credibility.
  • "Just"
  • "Kinda"
  • "I think"
  • "Maybe"
  • “Does that make sense?”
How many times have you left a conversation feeling like you cut yourself off at the knees, and didn't say what needed to be said?

Did you water down your message until it's unrecognizable?

(This is a "hidden truth" that almost NO ONE acknowledges, but everyone feels.)

When we use timid language we get timid results...the ripple effects are wide-ranging:
​
  • We don’t win people over. 
  • We don’t inspire confidence in others. 
  • People don’t look to us as leaders. 

In the short term, we may not persuade people at the meeting, but spread out over 20-30 years, it can have a gigantic impact on our life's trajectory.

So what can we do to fix it? I want you to repeat after me:

“It is okay to present myself confidently.”

Step one: admitting to yourself that it's OKAY to test a new approach.

Step two: addition by subtraction. In most cases, you'll delete confidence undercutting words from your vocabulary.

This is simple, but not easy. 

At first, you'll use the same timid words, only this time, you'll notice them.

Over time, you'll be able to use alternatives or (in most cases) stop using those qualifying words altogether.

Use this action step to help:

Read More

The Ultimate Guide To Joining & Enjoying Group Conversations (Updated)

10/8/2018

 
 
Over the last few months I’ve received dozens of emails from people who are struggling with how to have better group conversation​s.

This guide will help you when it comes to:
  1. Joining group conversations
  2. Contributing in group conversations
Years ago I remember worrying about:
  • What kind of conversation starters do I need to join a group?
  • What other people were thinking of me.
  • Trying to come up with the perfect thing to say, not saying it, and replaying events...and overthinking every step of the way.
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Tell me if these ring true for you:

“I just feel like I’ll be bothering them if I walk up and start talking…”

“What if they all know each other?!”

“I don’t want to have to be LOUD and interrupt people! it’s just not who I am...”

That’s why I created this guide for you, to help you smoothly join a group so that you can…

...meaningfully contribute to group conversations at work without feeling awkward and self conscious.

...Easily make new friends and contacts at a conference.

...feel comfortable and enjoy group conversations at a party.

And on a deeper level:

...have options of who you surround yourself with. Which as it turns out, has a huge influence on success

...feel like you are the kind of person who can thrive in social situations (which will make it more likely that you will thrive even more in group conversations, creating a virtuous cycle)

In this guide you’ll find some of the best strategies for joining and contributing in group conversations.

To create this guide, I pulled from my experience having 90,000 conversations over 11 years...but I knew that wouldn’t be enough.

I also did a LOT of research into what works and what doesn’t.

The result?

You don’t have to look in 100 different places and piece together quality, actionable information.

It’s all right here for you.
​

Let’s swan-dive in…

No Time To Read The Guide?
Download The Audio!

Click the button below to get an audio copy.

​Listen and learn anywhere. 

​(And get a
free word for word script builder worksheet so you can start joining group conversations today.)
Download Audio
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How To Start And End Conversations With Anyone [A Quick & Easy Guide]

10/7/2018

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Have you ever been at a conference, a cookout, or a networking event and you felt that twinge that says "You should talk to that person".

At this point, like a split in the road we have two choices:

A. Check your instagram for the 231st time today.

B. Start that conversation.

When we meet new people, we get to expand our circle of people. This could lead to a business partnership, a new best friend, or a new client. But you'll never know unless you open your mouth.

There’s a phrase my mentor likes to say:

“90% of the work is done before you enter the room.”

It’s easier to start a conversation after you’ve had a successful conversation.

But how do you start those conversations?

Enter Conversational Muscle Memory.

Conversational Muscle Memory is built on the idea that when you start small, low-stakes conversations throughout your day, it's easier to start more conversations because you’ve built momentum.

Once you’ve built that momentum, it’ll be easier to start a conversation with that one person you really want to talk to at happy hour.

I explain more in this video:

Read More
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Get The Friends You Want With Paul Sanders

8/16/2018

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Paul Sanders Get The Friends You Want
On this episode of BMC Radio, the podcast where I help you supercharge your charisma and people skills I have my friend Paul Sanders (@PaulSandersSCP) from Get The Friends You Want.

Paul Sanders is a friendship & social skills coach, and author of the "Get The Friends You Want" book. He helps people overcome social hesitation, master conversation and social skills, make friends and build a social circle. 

In an age where human connection seems to be tipping more screen than face, I think honing your friendship skills is only getting more important, especially if you're working remote, or starting a business and don't have the traditional 9-5 office culture to fall back on.

In this conversation, we talk about how to build a friendship circle, how to easily connect and build rapport with many different types of people, books on social dynamics, and much more.

Free gift for BMC listeners:

7 Most Common Mistakes Peoples People Make When They Try To Improve Their Social Life (And How To Avoid Them)

Highlights:

  • 11:45 - Paul’s advice on how to make friends and build a friendship circle.
  • 25:00 - The compound effect of stacking different people skills.
  • 28:09 - Acquire new knowledge and culture so that you’ll be able to connect with many different types of people.

Listening Options

Listen to Stitcher

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How To Make Friends With Rob Riker

7/24/2018

 
How To Make Friends With Rob Riker - become more compelling radio
On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Rob Riker (@robertgriker) from The Social Winner. 

Over the last few months, I've seen a lot of questions about making friends...  
  
  • "How do I make friends?"
  • "How can I build my friendship circle?"
  • "What's the best way to make plans with a new friend?"
​
This podcast will answer all these questions and more. If you've ever wanted a solid strategy around making new friends and connections, this podcast episode is for you. After listening, you'll be able to make new friends on command.

Rob has been featured in Business Insider, Lifehack, The Friend Formula, and Tiny Buddha.

I like Rob's insights on friendship and creating a fulfilling, lasting social circle:

Friend hits me up out of the blue. We hang out and I’m so glad we did.

Lesson here: be like my friend. Be proactive and stop waiting for others to do the work.

Even if nothing comes from it, you’re nourishing the relationship. Win/win.

— Rob Riker (@robertgriker) May 25, 2018

Free gift for BMC readers:

Get Rob's free 8 lesson course on how to make new friends this month here.

Highlights:

19:56 - How to bridge the gap between acquaintances and meeting up a second time
26:15 - The crucial time to swap contact info
34:29 - Should you initiate plans with friends or wait for them to initiate plans?​​

Listening  Options:

Listen to Stitcher

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Poise, Presence and Cocktails with Kyle Ingham

6/17/2018

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Kyle Ingham
​On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Kyle Ingham (@DistilledMan), founder of The Distilled Man.

Kyle is awesome, he has the poise and style Don Draper and the wit and charm of Ryan Reynolds. (A winning combo for sure.)

In this wide ranging conversation we tackle how to make great first impressions, how to be likable, how to build rapport, negative self talk, giving effective feedback at work, cocktails, and much more.

Kyle has been featured in the San Francisco Examiner, Forbes, The Good Men Project, among others.

Free Resource For BMC Listeners:

Kyle has an excellent free resource for BMC Radio listeners:

The 48 Hour Gentleman: Your One Weekend Plan For More Confidence, Poise, and Manly Know-How.

This excellent guide covers how to cook a steak, get a shirt tailored, male a Manhattan, and much more.

Highlights:

  • 15:29 - How to make a great first impression. Kyle's video on first impressions:
  • 20:31 - How to get out of your head and be more present in social situations.
  • 38:01 - How to give feedback at work that makes both people feel good. (No sh*t sandwiches here)

Listening Options:

Listen to Stitcher

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How To Unlock Authentic Confidence With Dave Bowden

2/4/2018

 
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On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Dave Bowden (@IrreverentGent) founder of Irreverent Gent.

In this episode  we tackle a crucial topic: Confidence.
  • What is it?
  • How do you get it?
  • How does it impact different areas of your life?
Confidence is important because it's one of those skills that isn't taught in school. Confidence is learned on the STREET.
(Or maybe just by consistently pushing past your comfort zone.)

This episode is geared towards the fellas. (Although I believe there are valuable insights for everyone) Dave has spent the last decade improving himself in the areas of people skills, fitness, and style.

He's gone from shy and reserved to authentically confident and now he helps men in their 20s and 30s do the same.

Highlights:
  • ​04:00 - One quick tactic Dave used to stop overthinking and win over a new friend at a dinner party.
  • 12:40 - How to avoid information overload and take action on improving your people skills
  • 37:00 - The mindset Dave uses to overcome the hesitation of starting conversations.
  • 47:45 - How to think about your style and avoiding the imposter syndrome that can come from changing what you wear.

Dave is the Amazon #1 best-selling author of Ready to Roar: How Shy, Quiet, Self-Doubting Guys Become Strong, Charming, Self-Confident Men and the founder of IrreverentGent.com, a blog dedicated to helping guys build confidence.

His work has been featured in The Good Men Project, Well Built Style and Active Man magazine, among others.

Listening Options:
Listen to Stitcher

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Toxic Jobs, Networking, and Burritos

8/6/2017

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(If you've ever wondered how to network, this post is going to make your day.)

But first, a quick story:

I was having dinner with a friend the other night at a Mexican place we've both loved for years.


As the hot plates of burritos and cold beers were delivered we started talking career strategy, like we typically do.

Then, a familiar topic cropped up.


He's not happy at his job.
Toxic Jobs, Networking, and Burritos

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How To Silence Your Inner Jerk and Rebound From Awkward Moments

5/1/2017

 
​Think about the last time you were hard on yourself for something awkward you said or did socially.

​Did your inner jerk come out?

"I can't believe I said THAT. I'm so f**king dumb."

"Why would I just stand there like a piece of driftwood and not say anything?! I hate myself."

Why are we jerks to ourselves sometimes?
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Last night I was sitting on my couch watching Bob Ross on Youtube...like you do, and I stumbled across this video by Bob Ross' son Steve.

​In this video
, Ross gets super pumped about painting some mountains, and he messes up. (Side note: The mountains are still more beautiful that any mountains I've seen in real life.)

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How To Master Small Talk & Overcome Shyness With Dan Chang

10/4/2016

 
Dan Chang
On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio I'd like to introduce you to my friend Dan Chang (@friendformula) founder of The Friend Formula.

A former self-descibed shy guy, nine years ago Dan decided to start learning about social skills so that he could perform at a high level in his career. 

​He's gone from someone who was too shy to speak up in meetings, to giving presentations to executives. (Dan's small talk tips are great)
Dan has been featured on INC, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, Lifehacker, Introvert Spring, and many others. 

In this conversation, we discuss how to become better at small talk than 99% of people. I love Dan's advice because it's so easy to implement. 

If you've ever fiddled with your phone instead of striking up a conversation with someone you've wanted to meet, this podcast is for you.

In this episode you'll learn:
  • 13:55 How to make yourself comfortable before you even open your mouth.
  • 15:50 A simple tip that Dan's boss gave him: You don't have to have a great idea to say something.
  • 30:50 Dan's 3 step framework for mastering small talk

You'll definitely want to grab Dan's free three video mini course on small talk (Including strategies on reducing nervousness) here.
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Charisma Expert Felicia Spahr: Group Conversations, Creating Rapport, and Getting Digits

7/21/2015

 
On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I am joined by my friend Felicia Spahr.

Felicia has been featured in INC, Fast Company, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, Entrepreneur on Fire, Mind, Body, Green, and many others.

I love this conversation for so many reasons. After listening to this episode you will be able to:

• Craft an amazing introduction (10:00)
​
• Focus on the right things during group conversations (15:40)

• Create rapport during one-on-one conversations (38:02)

• Know how and when to exchange contact information (46:20)
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"A good principle to remember is: Don't give people a reason to walk away." - Fel
It's basically a tactical guide to thrive at your next dinner party, conference, or networking event.


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How To Make A Fantastic First Impression (Middle Finger Optional)

3/2/2015

 
Two things today:

1. Story.
2. Video.

Have you ever made a cringe-worthy first impression? 

I've made a few, but I think my wife wins the golden chalice of cringe with this one:

A few years ago she was at her boss' house for a party. ​
​
There was a mix of friends, family and co-workers.
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Middle Finger Optional

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How To Conquer Your Inner Fears and Start a Conversation With Anyone

1/28/2015

 
One of the most common social skills questions I get is: 

"How do I start a conversation?!"

It's not rocket science, but it's about as terrifying as being strapped to a rocket.

To answer this question, I brought in an expert: the magnetic Felicia of Instantly Irresistible.

She's the real deal, and she created a video on how to conquer your inner fears and start a conversation with anyone.
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Her gazes have been known to bring puppies back to life.
Also, she has a free gift for Become More Compelling readers. BOOM.

Enter Felicia:


I remember after reading Neil Strauss’s famous book, The Game, I was fascinated by this idea of ‘approach anxiety’. 

It’s typically what a lot of men feel as they are about to approach women -- a tightness in their chest, sweating, and of course, the prominent fear of being rejected.

But what I realized is that ‘approach anxiety’ is not limited to just men. Women feel it, too! And even I experience it myself--and this is what I help people with for a living. When I’m at an event and see a stranger I want to start talking to, my heart starts beating faster, I become self-conscious, and I start to think: “What am I going to SAY?”

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What "Being A Natural" Actually Means (Social Skills Question)

1/11/2015

 
I have this friend named Josh. He's what you'd call a social skills natural.

When he walks into a room, it's as if he emits a magnetic pulse, and people literally gravitate toward him.

It's uncanny. I'm 99.9% sure he's an X-Man.

In the span of three minutes he's already circulated the room, cracked a few jokes, shook a few hands. Everyone is ecstatic to see him.
Jeff
This happens every time I've ever hung out with him. 

You probably have people like Josh in your life. 

Perhaps, as you watch them work a room, you ask yourself: "How the f*ck do they do that?"

The answer might surprise you. (Hint: they weren't born with it.)

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