What "Being A Natural" Actually Means (Social Skills Question)

I have this friend named Josh. He's what you'd call a social skills natural.

When he walks into a room, it's as if he emits a magnetic pulse, and people literally gravitate toward him.

It's uncanny. I'm 99.9% sure he's an X-Man.

In the span of three minutes he's already circulated the room, cracked a few jokes, shook a few hands. Everyone is ecstatic to see him.

This happens every time I've ever hung out with him. 

You probably have people like Josh in your life. 

Perhaps, as you watch them work a room, you ask yourself: "How the f*ck do they do that?"

The answer might surprise you. (Hint: they weren't born with it.)

What "Being A Natural" Actually Means 

In that video, I talked about how I learned to keep my hands out of my pockets using office supplies. (and look super awesome while doing it)

If you see me now, you'll notice that I never put my hands in my pockets. Now, I'm a natural. 

Behavior Roadmap: The Four Stages Of Competence

Anytime we see someone who we think is a natural, what we're actually seeing are the results of YEARS of hard work. The reality is: no one is a natural. We ALL have to learn social skills at some point in our lives.

Some people learn early, others learn later. 

As you improve your social skills, it's important to remember that we're all at our own levels of competence.

Originally developed by Noel Burch in the 1970s, the four stages of competence are a fantastic roadmap for adopting a new behavior. 

Here's the model (and my pocket hands as an example).

When you're adopting a new social behavior, remember that those uncomfortable first steps are simply part of a larger process. 

When you get to unconscious competence, people will look at you and ask themselves "How the f*ck do you do that?"

For more on habit creation, check out Dr. BJ Fogg's Tiny Habits. (Why I now floss 3x per day)

Question:

Think back to a time when you saw someone magnetic, like my friend Josh.

What do you remember thinking to yourself as you watched someone who had incredible social skills?

Leave me a comment below with your answer.

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