When I became self-employed, it was a huge shift.
Gone were coworkers, office small talk, and happy hours.
Instead, it was just me.
And the cat.
At first, it was nice.
"Finally, I can just put my head down and do the work!" I thought.
But, after a couple of months, I realized "Holy crap! I might accidentally become a hermit if I'm not careful."
When you're trying to learn (or in my case re-learn) how to become more social, it's effective to have a few tips to help you get on the right track.
These tips will help whether you're
Here's a sample of crappy advice you WON'T find in this article:
Here are 8 ways to become more social starting TODAY.
What top performers do:
1. Get barely enough information.
2. Don't overthink it.
3. Act rapidly.
When you're learning how to communicate with confidence, it's crucial to take action quickly. The great thing about people skills is that you get plenty of chances to practice.
Let's talk about a time where I wasn't a top performer...
Ever notice how life seems effortless for people who have a little extra confidence?
So what's the deal? Are these people mutants who have these unattainable traits that you can't have?
Whether you’re leading a meeting, pitching a new client, or starting conversations at happy hour, confident communication is one of the most important skills you can have.
Each of the following three skill is powerful but I recommend stacking all three skills for maximum impact.
1. Eliminate Qualifying Words
Confident communication killers
You're in a meeting, your boss asks you a straightforward question about next steps on a project.
"Well, I just think that we maybe should consider...”
You trail off.
Somewhere I am softly weeping while lighting a candle in memory of your fallen confidence and credibility.
Did you water down your message until it's unrecognizable?
(This is a "hidden truth" that almost NO ONE acknowledges, but everyone feels.)
When we use timid language we get timid results...the ripple effects are wide-ranging:
In the short term, we may not persuade people at the meeting, but spread out over 20-30 years, it can have a gigantic impact on our life's trajectory.
So what can we do to fix it? I want you to repeat after me:
“It is okay to present myself confidently.”
Step one: admitting to yourself that it's OKAY to test a new approach.
Step two: addition by subtraction. In most cases, you'll delete confidence undercutting words from your vocabulary.
This is simple, but not easy.
At first, you'll use the same timid words, only this time, you'll notice them.
Over time, you'll be able to use alternatives or (in most cases) stop using those qualifying words altogether.
Use this action step to help:
Over the last few months I’ve received dozens of emails from people who are struggling with how to have better group conversations.
This guide will help you when it comes to:
Tell me if these ring true for you:
“I just feel like I’ll be bothering them if I walk up and start talking…”
“What if they all know each other?!”
“I don’t want to have to be LOUD and interrupt people! it’s just not who I am...”
That’s why I created this guide for you, to help you smoothly join a group so that you can…
...meaningfully contribute to group conversations at work without feeling awkward and self conscious.
...Easily make new friends and contacts at a conference.
...feel comfortable and enjoy group conversations at a party.
And on a deeper level:
...have options of who you surround yourself with. Which as it turns out, has a huge influence on success
...feel like you are the kind of person who can thrive in social situations (which will make it more likely that you will thrive even more in group conversations, creating a virtuous cycle)
In this guide you’ll find some of the best strategies for joining and contributing in group conversations.
To create this guide, I pulled from my experience having 90,000 conversations over 11 years...but I knew that wouldn’t be enough.
I also did a LOT of research into what works and what doesn’t.
You don’t have to look in 100 different places and piece together quality, actionable information.
It’s all right here for you.
Let’s swan-dive in…
On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Rob Riker (@robertgriker) from The Social Winner.
Over the last few months, I've seen a lot of questions about making friends...
This podcast will answer all these questions and more. If you've ever wanted a solid strategy around making new friends and connections, this podcast episode is for you. After listening, you'll be able to make new friends on command.
Rob has been featured in Business Insider, Lifehack, The Friend Formula, and Tiny Buddha.
I like Rob's insights on friendship and creating a fulfilling, lasting social circle:
Free gift for BMC readers:
19:56 - How to bridge the gap between acquaintances and meeting up a second time
26:15 - The crucial time to swap contact info
34:29 - Should you initiate plans with friends or wait for them to initiate plans?
Myke is a really interesting guy, he was born in Asia, move to the Middle East, then landed in Canada at age 16 while not being able to speak English.
Myke had to start from scratch with people skills. The customs of places he'd lived his entire life were suddenly reversed in a western country.
If you've wanted to level up your social confidence, make better first impressions, or network authentically at a conference this episode will be exactly what you need.
More about Myke:
Myke Macapinlac was a shy immigrant who used to work a boring engineering job and became a talk show host, a social dynamics specialist, and a lifestyle entrepreneur.
He now teaches shy guys to develop social confidence so they can succeed in their personal, romantic, and professional lives.
His work has been featured in the Calgary Herald, on Breakfast Television, on Shaw TV, and in the Huffington Post.
Myke's Free Gift For BMC Listeners:
It's basically a tactical guide to thrive at your next dinner party, conference, or networking event.
Also, she has a free gift for Become More Compelling readers. BOOM.
I remember after reading Neil Strauss’s famous book, The Game, I was fascinated by this idea of ‘approach anxiety’.
It’s typically what a lot of men feel as they are about to approach women -- a tightness in their chest, sweating, and of course, the prominent fear of being rejected.
But what I realized is that ‘approach anxiety’ is not limited to just men. Women feel it, too! And even I experience it myself--and this is what I help people with for a living. When I’m at an event and see a stranger I want to start talking to, my heart starts beating faster, I become self-conscious, and I start to think: “What am I going to SAY?”
I'll help you supercharge your people skills so that you can have a more fulfilling career,
business & social life.
Over the last 15 years, I’ve learned... (Read More)
• 5 Ways a Communication Coach Can Help You Become a Better Communicator
• The Ultimate Guide To Joining & Enjoying Group Conversations
• How to Never Run Out of Things to Say