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Do you know your
​communication style?
Take my quiz and get a custom report with specific tips ​based on your
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300+ Conversation Starters & Topics That Will Help You Start Conversations With Everyone

2/24/2021

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Conversation Starters
Look, sometimes we just need a little extra push to come up with something to say...some extra conversation starters to help that awkward silence melt away.

I got you.

Here are 300+ conversation starters and topics for you use in several different social settings. Use them with friends, coworkers, on dates, or out at happy hour!

Pro tip #1: Find 5 of your favorites and write them down on the notes app on your phone. Use them in your conversations this week.

Pro tip #2: Be sure to balance asking questions with telling stories, and making statements. (No one wants to be interrogated!)

​Let's swan dive in... (For fun, I've answered a few of these in parentheses)

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How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say (6 Tips That Work)

1/4/2021

 
How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say
How to never run out of things to say...ah, this may be the holy grail of people skills...​

If you've ever had your mind spontaneously go blank in the middle of a conversation, then you know this feeling...

Searching your mind for something...anything to say.

​Yet, the harder you try to come up with something, the less you have to say.

Then the awkward silence creeps in...you might think to yourself:

"Why does my mind go blank all the time?"

That overthinking vortex sucks.

​I'm here to help.
​Recently I've received messages from people who are struggling with their minds going blank...
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I have great news for you:
  • It isn't because you can't think fast enough to respond.
  • It's not because you were "born awkward".
  • It's something you can overcome with a little planning, practice and mindset shift.

In this article, you'll learn:

  • Why people aren't judging your every move in social situations.
  • The Iceberg Effect: How to develop a wide range of interests so you'll have more to talk about.
  • How to listen beyond people's words.
  • The Quick Scan: How to always have something to talk about
  • The Spokes Method: How to think "around the topic" to never run out of things to say.
  • The Quick Win: How to stop socially hesitating.
After reading this article, you'll be able to make conversation with the best of 'em.

​Let's dive in...

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How To Be More Outgoing [10 Powerful Tips That Work]

11/13/2020

 
How To Be More Outgoing
I believe that everyone has the ability to improve their social skills and become more outgoing - you just have to tap into that outgoing part of yourself. 

But as any introvert who’s tried to teach themselves how to be more outgoing can tell you - it’s not as easy as it sounds. 

“Know thyself.” -Socrates

Socrates wasn’t playing around when he dropped this philosophical morsel on us. 

He believed that the answer to all happiness and philosophical unrest was to look within where all knowledge already lives, waiting to be remembered. 

I love this idea because it’s an equalizer.

We might have different starting points, but we can ALL improve and grow.

If you want to learn how to be more outgoing--you just need the mindsets and tactics to get there!

​So let’s talk about how to be more outgoing as an introvert, step-by-step. 

In this article you’ll learn:

  • How to overcome “The Spotlight Effect”
  • How to create If/When/Then systems to automatically be more outgoing
  • Tips for looking more approachable 
  • Engaging others through genuine curiosity
  • How to prep answers and anecdotes ahead of time (without sounding rehearsed!)
  • How to lead deeper conversations 
  • How to avoid overthinking
  • How to keep the conversation going 
  • How to rewrite your reality by expecting good things to happen
  • And more!
Ready? Let’s dive in!

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How To Make Conversation - 5 Tips To Help You Stand Out & Be Memorable

11/6/2020

 
How To Make Conversation - 5 Tips To Help You Stand Out & Be Memorable
Many of my readers ask me about how to make conversation. 

A conversation that feels natural and smooth.
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Good news: These are learnable skills.

Having great conversation skills that you can "turn on" at a moments notice matter when you're:

  • Applying for a new job and you're making small talk with the interviewer.
  • You log on to the Zoom meeting early and your company's CEO is the only other person in the meeting room?
  • You're on a first date where you know you want to make a great first impression.

The better you are with these soft interactions, the better your career, business and social life's trajectory will be.

And the best part?

These skills compound over time.

​Like investing in a 401K, the more connections you make, the easier it is to call up good friends, find jobs fast, and get introduced to more people who can change your life.

Here are 5 tips that you can use starting today to make better, more memorable conversations. 

Every one of these skills are effective individually, but when you stack them together, they become extremely powerful.

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How To Keep A Conversation Going & Destroy Awkward Pauses (9 Tips That Work)

10/15/2020

 
How To Keep A Conversation Going and Destroy Awkward Pauses Forever

You feel it...the death of your conversation.

"Some get the crash cart!!!"

You're standing there, it feels like hours since you've spoken. The ice in your drink slowly melts. 

We've all been there, wondering how to keep a conversation going when:

  • Making small talk with a co-worker before the Zoom meeting starts.
  • Meeting a new person at a backyard BBQ.
  • Sitting next to an acquaintance at happy hour.

When we can keep that conversation going, we can make new friends, better job opportunities, and become more successful. 

So how do we do it?
In this article, you'll learn:
  • How to avoid editing yourself so you don't run out of things to say.
  • How to prep something to talk about so you'll have conversation topics ready.
  • Why you should have 3 good stories ready.
  • How to listen and respond like a pro. (Show people that you're really listening.)
  • How to use the Spokes method to keep a conversation going. (Even if you don't know much about the topic.)
  • How to use "Dig questions" to go beyond small talk to deeper conversations.
  • And more!
Let's dive in!
​
Here are 9 ways to keep a conversation going & destroy awkward pauses forever:

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How To Improve Conversation Skills (8 Powerful Tips)

9/29/2020

 
How To Improve Conversation Skills
The importance of conversation skills: these skills can be the difference between having great friends, connections, and experiences and...not.

  • In your business or career, good conversation skills can help you land a new client, or lay the groundwork for future promotions.
  • In your social life, good conversation skills can help you get a date, or build a relationship with a potential lifelong friend. 

Today we're going to cover how to improve conversation skills. You can start using these 8 powerful tips today.

In This Article, You'll Learn...

  • How to become more approachable. (Works IRL and on Zoom meetings!)
  • How to make better eye contact.
  • The Iceberg Effect: How to develop a wide range of interests so you'll have more to talk about during conversations.
  • Why dialing up your energy by 10% is crucial for better conversations.
  • How to use the Spokes Method to always have something to say in conversations. 
  • What to do if you interrupt during conversations.
  • How to build rapport quickly by listening for "same here!" moments.
  • And more!
​Let's dive in: Watch the video below, or read on...your call!
(These first two tips will help your conversation skills before you even open your mouth!)

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How To Introduce People (With Word-For-Word Scripts)

5/29/2020

 
how to introduce people
Knowing how to introduce people is a great skill to have.

Example:  A friend's wedding.

At the reception, after grabbing a fresh drink, I saw my former co-worker, Michael.

He stood up and walked over, shook my hand, and we talked for a few minutes about the World Series.

As our conversation was wrapping up, he said "Hey! Let me introduce you to my wife."
What I was expecting: To walk over and be introduced with a simple "Hey, this is my buddy, Jeff."

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8 Uncommon Tips To Make A Great First Impression

11/14/2018

 
How To Make A Great First Impression
​If you've ever wondered how to make a great first impression you're not alone. 

Here are a few messages from my readers who want to master first impressions. 
First Impression Question
First Impression Question
First Impression Question
It’s okay if you’ve made some cringe worthy first impressions. 

Take this gem from my wife:

A few years ago she was at her boss' house for a party. ​

She was joking around with some of her coworkers, who were on the other side of the room. 

She playfully extends her middle finger.

At that PRECISE MOMENT her boss' father turns around and intercepts the middle finger.

​I imagine that space and time slowed down while my wife watched him go through different emotions. Confusion, disbelief, denial, shock, sadness, and finally disdain. 

After the fabric of reality had stabilized, he looked away while saying "How RUDE."

This story makes me laugh every time.

First impressions are crucial:
  • When you walk into an interview for your dream job. 
  • When you meet your significant other’s family. 
  • When you meet a potential business partner for your company. 

Here’s the deal with first impressions: after people make up their mind about you, (Some studies say in as little as 1/10th of a second) they use confirmation bias to only look for evidence to back up their initial impression. 

I’m not here to sugar coat things. I’m here to supercharge your people skills.

So what can you do to reliably create great first impressions with almost everyone you meet?

Here Are 8 Uncommon Tips To Make A Great First Impression

​It all starts with your mindset because 80% of the work is done before you ever shake hands...

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Confident Conversations: How To Join & Enjoy Any Conversation

10/25/2018

 
CONFIDENT CONVERSATIONS
Wouldn't it be awesome to know you could walk into any conference, event or happy hour and have confident conversations with any person you meet?

I know my readers do...

"I’d love to feel confident in social situations and know that I can carry conversations." 
​What's funny to me is how most people approach getting better.

What most people do: 

1. Wing it.
2. Don't improve.
3. Wonder why they don't improve...probably eat Cheetos.
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What top performers do:

1. Get barely enough information.
2. Don't overthink it.
3. Act rapidly.

When you're learning how to communicate with confidence, it's crucial to take action quickly. The great thing about people skills is that you get plenty of chances to practice.

Let's talk about a time where I wasn't a top performer...

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Confident Communication: 3 Skills That Will Supercharge Your Message Next Time You Speak Up

10/23/2018

 
Confident communication
Ever notice how life seems effortless for people who have a little extra confidence?  
  
  • When they're in meetings, more often than not people go for their ideas.
  • When they go to a conference, they're usually seen having a great time with a group of new friends.
  • When they pitch a new client, you can almost see the client's mouthwatering.

So what's the deal? Are these people mutants who have these unattainable traits that you can't have?

HELL NO!

Whether you’re leading a meeting, pitching a new client, or starting conversations at happy hour, confident communication is one of the most important skills you can have.

Each of the following three skill is powerful but I recommend stacking all three skills for maximum impact.

1. Eliminate Qualifying Words
Confident communication killers

You're in a meeting, your boss asks you a straightforward question about next steps on a project.

"Well, I just think that we maybe should consider...”

You trail off. 

Somewhere I am softly weeping while lighting a candle in memory of your fallen confidence and credibility.
  • "Just"
  • "Kinda"
  • "I think"
  • "Maybe"
  • “Does that make sense?”
How many times have you left a conversation feeling like you cut yourself off at the knees, and didn't say what needed to be said?

Did you water down your message until it's unrecognizable?

(This is a "hidden truth" that almost NO ONE acknowledges, but everyone feels.)

When we use timid language we get timid results...the ripple effects are wide-ranging:
​
  • We don’t win people over. 
  • We don’t inspire confidence in others. 
  • People don’t look to us as leaders. 

In the short term, we may not persuade people at the meeting, but spread out over 20-30 years, it can have a gigantic impact on our life's trajectory.

So what can we do to fix it? I want you to repeat after me:

“It is okay to present myself confidently.”

Step one: admitting to yourself that it's OKAY to test a new approach.

Step two: addition by subtraction. In most cases, you'll delete confidence undercutting words from your vocabulary.

This is simple, but not easy. 

At first, you'll use the same timid words, only this time, you'll notice them.

Over time, you'll be able to use alternatives or (in most cases) stop using those qualifying words altogether.

Use this action step to help:

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The Ultimate Guide To Joining & Enjoying Group Conversations (Updated)

10/8/2018

 
 
Over the last few months I’ve received dozens of emails from people who are struggling with how to have better group conversation​s.

This guide will help you when it comes to:
  1. Joining group conversations
  2. Contributing in group conversations
Years ago I remember worrying about:
  • What kind of conversation starters do I need to join a group?
  • What other people were thinking of me.
  • Trying to come up with the perfect thing to say, not saying it, and replaying events...and overthinking every step of the way.
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Tell me if these ring true for you:

“I just feel like I’ll be bothering them if I walk up and start talking…”

“What if they all know each other?!”

“I don’t want to have to be LOUD and interrupt people! it’s just not who I am...”

That’s why I created this guide for you, to help you smoothly join a group so that you can…

...meaningfully contribute to group conversations at work without feeling awkward and self conscious.

...Easily make new friends and contacts at a conference.

...feel comfortable and enjoy group conversations at a party.

And on a deeper level:

...have options of who you surround yourself with. Which as it turns out, has a huge influence on success

...feel like you are the kind of person who can thrive in social situations (which will make it more likely that you will thrive even more in group conversations, creating a virtuous cycle)

In this guide you’ll find some of the best strategies for joining and contributing in group conversations.

To create this guide, I pulled from my experience having 90,000 conversations over 11 years...but I knew that wouldn’t be enough.

I also did a LOT of research into what works and what doesn’t.

The result?

You don’t have to look in 100 different places and piece together quality, actionable information.

It’s all right here for you.
​

Let’s swan-dive in…

No Time To Read The Guide?
Download The Audio!

Click the button below to get an audio copy.

​Listen and learn anywhere. 

​(And get a
free word for word script builder worksheet so you can start joining group conversations today.)
Download Audio
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Get The Friends You Want With Paul Sanders

8/16/2018

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Paul Sanders Get The Friends You Want
On this episode of BMC Radio, the podcast where I help you supercharge your charisma and people skills I have my friend Paul Sanders (@PaulSandersSCP) from Get The Friends You Want.

Paul Sanders is a friendship & social skills coach, and author of the "Get The Friends You Want" book. He helps people overcome social hesitation, master conversation and social skills, make friends and build a social circle. 

In an age where human connection seems to be tipping more screen than face, I think honing your friendship skills is only getting more important, especially if you're working remote, or starting a business and don't have the traditional 9-5 office culture to fall back on.

In this conversation, we talk about how to build a friendship circle, how to easily connect and build rapport with many different types of people, books on social dynamics, and much more.

Free gift for BMC listeners:

7 Most Common Mistakes Peoples People Make When They Try To Improve Their Social Life (And How To Avoid Them)

Highlights:

  • 11:45 - Paul’s advice on how to make friends and build a friendship circle.
  • 25:00 - The compound effect of stacking different people skills.
  • 28:09 - Acquire new knowledge and culture so that you’ll be able to connect with many different types of people.

Listening Options

Listen to Stitcher

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How To Unlock Authentic Confidence With Dave Bowden

2/4/2018

 
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On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Dave Bowden (@IrreverentGent) founder of Irreverent Gent.

In this episode  we tackle a crucial topic: Confidence.
  • What is it?
  • How do you get it?
  • How does it impact different areas of your life?
Confidence is important because it's one of those skills that isn't taught in school. Confidence is learned on the STREET.
(Or maybe just by consistently pushing past your comfort zone.)

This episode is geared towards the fellas. (Although I believe there are valuable insights for everyone) Dave has spent the last decade improving himself in the areas of people skills, fitness, and style.

He's gone from shy and reserved to authentically confident and now he helps men in their 20s and 30s do the same.

Highlights:
  • ​04:00 - One quick tactic Dave used to stop overthinking and win over a new friend at a dinner party.
  • 12:40 - How to avoid information overload and take action on improving your people skills
  • 37:00 - The mindset Dave uses to overcome the hesitation of starting conversations.
  • 47:45 - How to think about your style and avoiding the imposter syndrome that can come from changing what you wear.

Dave is the Amazon #1 best-selling author of Ready to Roar: How Shy, Quiet, Self-Doubting Guys Become Strong, Charming, Self-Confident Men and the founder of IrreverentGent.com, a blog dedicated to helping guys build confidence.

His work has been featured in The Good Men Project, Well Built Style and Active Man magazine, among others.

Listening Options:
Listen to Stitcher

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How To Master Small Talk & Overcome Shyness With Dan Chang

10/4/2016

 
Dan Chang
On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio I'd like to introduce you to my friend Dan Chang (@friendformula) founder of The Friend Formula.

A former self-descibed shy guy, nine years ago Dan decided to start learning about social skills so that he could perform at a high level in his career. 

​He's gone from someone who was too shy to speak up in meetings, to giving presentations to executives. (Dan's small talk tips are great)
Dan has been featured on INC, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, Lifehacker, Introvert Spring, and many others. 

In this conversation, we discuss how to become better at small talk than 99% of people. I love Dan's advice because it's so easy to implement. 

If you've ever fiddled with your phone instead of striking up a conversation with someone you've wanted to meet, this podcast is for you.

In this episode you'll learn:
  • 13:55 How to make yourself comfortable before you even open your mouth.
  • 15:50 A simple tip that Dan's boss gave him: You don't have to have a great idea to say something.
  • 30:50 Dan's 3 step framework for mastering small talk

You'll definitely want to grab Dan's free three video mini course on small talk (Including strategies on reducing nervousness) here.
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Marsha Shandur: How To Craft Compelling Stories From A Master Storyteller

9/14/2015

 
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On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, I am super excited to have the delightful Marsha Shandur (@YesYesMarsha) of yesyesmarsha.com.

What makes Marsha delightful? Well for starters, she can tell captivating stories. (Watch the youtube video below for a hilariously terrifying story about SNAKES)

Marsha is a phenomenal storytelling and networking coach, and the official storytelling coach at Portland's World Domination Summit.

She has been featured on the BBC, Forbes, The Art of Charm and The Muse.

In this conversation we talk about how to craft compelling stories, as well as how to avoid common storytelling mistakes. 

If you've ever felt like you can't tell a good story, or people's eye glaze over while you're talking, in this podcast you'll learn:

• The #1 thing to focus on while telling stories. Hint: Tom Cruise (11:20)

• How to edit your stories down, but still keep the essence alive (17:30)

• How to deal with the “spotlight" of storytelling (42:15)

Be sure to check out the secret page Marsha created for BMC readers. (With a secret weapon to help you remember ANYONE'S name) 

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