Real talk…

EVERYONE feels socially inept at some point in their lives.

It’s just part of being human.

​Maybe you’ve felt socially inept when…

• You told a joke that totally bombed at that backyard BBQ.
• You accidentally blurted out something rude and didn’t realize it until later.
• Your brain seems to shut off and you have no idea what to say in conversations.

If you’ve ever felt like that...I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. It happens!

And the great thing is that being socially inept is something that can be improved. Working on your communication skills can help you become more socially skilled and that feeling of being socially inept will fade away.

“Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price we all have to pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.” – Vince Lombardi

Imagine that you group together the greatest baseball players of all time - Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays, and Mike Trout.

Now imagine that they all speak different languages and have no idea what the others are saying.

As a communication coach my clients ask me to help with situations like this all the time.

You may be the Babe Ruth of software development , but if you can’t connect with the VP of Sales (the Mike Trout of soft skills), you’re not going to climb very far up the corporate ladder.

Communication skills don’t come naturally to many of my clients.

​And while the reasons for that may vary, they all figured out the hard way that to advance, they’d have to study up and invest in their ability to communicate effectively with their bosses, their coworkers, and their clients. 

The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. 

Using the guidance of a communication coach can help you achieve the success you want to see in your career more quickly and effectively than trying to level up on your own.

5 time NCAA champion Mike Krzyzewski - possibly the most famous college basketball coach ever has a quote I love:

“Communication does not always occur naturally, even among a tight-knit group of individuals. Communication must be taught and practiced in order to bring everyone together as one.”

With over 1,000 career wins and over 100 future NBA players coached, Coach K knows his stuff. He’s one of the best examples of what a great coach can help his athletes achieve. 

There’s a reason that communication coaches are called “coaches.” 
​
A coach is someone who directs training and habits to help someone become the best they can be. And you just heard it from the best - communication skills can be taught and improved!

So let’s take a look at what makes a good communications coach and how they can help you achieve your communication goals!

Ever notice how life seems effortless for people who have a little extra confidence?  
  

• When they're in meetings, more often than not people go for their ideas.
• When they go to a conference, they're usually seen having a great time with a group of new friends.
• When they pitch a new client, you can almost see the client's mouthwatering.

So what's the deal? Are these people mutants who have these unattainable traits that you can't have?

HELL NO!

Whether you’re leading a meeting, pitching a new client, or starting conversations at happy hour, confident communication is one of the most important skills you can have.

Each of the following three skill is powerful but I recommend stacking all three skills for maximum impact.

1. Eliminate Qualifying Words
Confident communication killers

You're in a meeting, your boss asks you a straightforward question about next steps on a project.

"Well, I just think that we maybe should consider...”

You trail off. 

Somewhere I am softly weeping while lighting a candle in memory of your fallen confidence and credibility.

• "Just"
• "Kinda"
• "I think"
• "Maybe"
• “Does that make sense?”

How many times have you left a conversation feeling like you cut yourself off at the knees, and didn't say what needed to be said?

Did you water down your message until it's unrecognizable?

(This is a "hidden truth" that almost NO ONE acknowledges, but everyone feels.)

When we use timid language we get timid results...the ripple effects are wide-ranging:
​

• We don’t win people over. 
• We don’t inspire confidence in others. 
• People don’t look to us as leaders. 

In the short term, we may not persuade people at the meeting, but spread out over 20-30 years, it can have a gigantic impact on our life's trajectory.

So what can we do to fix it? I want you to repeat after me:

“It is okay to present myself confidently.”

Step one: admitting to yourself that it's OKAY to test a new approach.

Step two: addition by subtraction. In most cases, you'll delete confidence undercutting words from your vocabulary.

This is simple, but not easy. 

At first, you'll use the same timid words, only this time, you'll notice them.

Over time, you'll be able to use alternatives or (in most cases) stop using those qualifying words altogether.

Use this action step to help:

Myke is a really interesting guy, he was born in Asia, move to the Middle East, then landed in Canada at age 16 while not being able to speak English.

Myke had to start from scratch with people skills. The customs of places he'd lived his entire life were suddenly reversed in a western country.

If you've wanted to level up your social confidence, make better first impressions, or network authentically at a conference this episode will be exactly what you need.

​More about Myke:

Myke Macapinlac was a shy immigrant who used to work a boring engineering job and became a talk show host, a social dynamics specialist, and a lifestyle entrepreneur.

He now teaches shy guys to develop social confidence so they can succeed in their personal, romantic, and professional lives.

His work has been featured in the Calgary Herald, on Breakfast Television, on Shaw TV, and in the Huffington Post.

Shy to Social: How To Approach And Talk To Anybody No Matter How Shy You Are

• 13:30 - How to overcome and reprogram negative self talk.
• 21:00 - How to overcome the “I don’t want to be fake” self improvement objection.
• 34:30 - How to leverage social media for conferences and events so that you can warm up the room before flying to the event.

In this (solo) episode of Become More Compelling Radio I'll give you frameworks for...

• How do you get just ENOUGH information to act without hoarding information and overthinking?
• How can you quickly act on the information you consume?
• How does Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos view the push/pull of information vs. action?
• And more...

You're probably familiar with Zack's work if you've ever watched shows like Burn Notice, Glee, and Empire. He's an editor by trade, so he knows all about grueling 12+ hour days sitting in front of a computer.

About 10 years ago, Zack decided that he would stop treating his body like a Ford Pinto, and start treating it like a Ferrari. This journey led him to spend over $75,000 and a decade optimizing his health so that he can constantly perform at a high level in his career and produce amazing work on demand.

Most of our jobs require us to be creative problem solvers. Zack will teach us how to protect our creativity like it's our number one asset.

Last night I was sitting on my couch watching Bob Ross on Youtube...like you do, and I stumbled across this video by Bob Ross' son Steve.

​In this video, Ross gets super pumped about painting some mountains, and he messes up. (Side note: The mountains are still more beautiful that any mountains I've seen in real life.)

1:00 PM On a Sunday afternoon, my wife and I arrived at the library, ready to get some work done.

1:02 PM We take the elevator up to the 5th floor, where they have study rooms, periodicals, and the quiet room. The quiet room is designed so that people can work and study in peace.

1:03 PM We settle into the quiet room, we’re the only two people there.

1:03:30 PM Thinking that the room was soundproof, and also wanting to make my wife laugh…I devise a (to me) hilarious plan to play 5 seconds of gangster rap.

1:04 PM I press play. My wife quoted me as whispering “This is what I think of your quiet room.”

Shawn has been featured in Mind, Body, Green, LifeHack, and Dumb Little Man. He has over 10 years experience teaching personal and career development.

In this conversation we talk about the power of revealing your authentic self, how superhero costumes at Comic Con can improve your confidence, and we play a really awesome improv game that you can start using today to have better conversations.

Shawn also has a free gift for Become More Compelling readers: An Introvert’s Guide to Engaging Conversation.

Enjoy!

She's currently writing a book on introvert charisma that's due out on bookshelves next year. She's published over 200 articles on her blog, and she's been featured in Dr. Arnie Kozak's book The Everything Guide to the Introvert Edge and Patricia Weber's Introvert Communication Toolkit.

Meaning and purpose? Check.

She also has an awesome free gift for Become More Compelling readers: Alone But Not Lonely: 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts.

In this conversation, we talk about why the word "should" can be toxic, and what to replace "should" with. We also talk about everything from meditation practices to zombie outbreaks.

Without further ado, enjoy episode number one of Become More Compelling Radio:

Someday: an undefined point in the future.

There is a sickness in our modern society. It can affect anyone, but is usually found in men and women aged 20 and over. This disease has no official name, but it does have clear symptoms.
Most people who are affected will say things like:

• "I'll take that trip to Italy someday..."
• "I'll get my health in order someday..."
• "I'll find a soulmate someday..."
• "I'll get that promotion someday..."