Today I was at a coffee shop getting some work done, and (because I'm a weirdo) I started eavesdropping on the people next to me. This woman was telling her friend about a work situation:
Her: "I'm just so worried I said the wrong thing...next time something like this happens I don't know what I'll do."
And then it dawned on me. Most of us, whether we know it or not, are time traveling.
Basic concept: When you look back to the past and wish you could change the outcome of a situation...or when you're somewhere in the future preplanning a future conversation (I've done this ~1,782 times) that may, but probably won't happen, you're time traveling.
How does this relate to social skills? I'll explain in a moment...
This is basically awful because last time I checked you have 0% control over past or future events. Unless you're Marty McFly.
To give you a sense of what all this means I drew up a picture...because, fuck words:
Think about the last 5 conversations you've had. What were they about? Uggh, maybe we should work on listening/memory skills first. Here's the last 5 from my life:
-My roommate's work schedule
-The game tonight
-A friend's vacation
-Umm...I talked to my cat about why she keeps sitting on the piano.
-I think I've only had 4 conversations today.
Damn...that was way harder than I thought. Anyway, the point is: most conversations are about future or past events.
Let's peel back that onion a little more: How you view past or future events has a huge impact on how others perceive you. If you talk about the past in a negative way, people will perceive you as negative person.
It's not fair, I know...but I choose to operate in the in the real world, not the world that I wish existed. In that world, I have a jetpack.
The fucked up (and awesome) thing is, you may not have EVER realized where your thoughts are landing on the matrix until this moment, and that very fact could change your life forever.
Holy shit, I didn't even know this was a problem, what do I do?!
The reason why it's important to understand where your recurring (read: subconscious) thoughts are landing is because it's difficult enough to carry on a conversation with a fellow human being while simultaneously wondering if you're going to fuck this conversation up just like you've fucked up the last 12 conversations over the last week.
Holy negative feedback loop, Batman!
What you should do:
A. Realize that this is something that might be screwing you over. Embrace that.
B. Cry. Just a little.
C. Since you know this exists, you can change it. You just leveled up.
D. Mindfulness is a great place to start. The first step is just being still and NOT LOOKING AT A SCREEN. Let the thoughts flow and acknowledge them, and slap them on the matrix. Stuck? Click here...this exercise will get you going in the right direction. It will also decrease your stress hormone and increase testosterone. Yum.
E. Music that makes you feel positive or powerful is a fantastic resource that will help you become a more positive person. Put away the Korn and death metal.Bonus: Combine music and light non-woo wooie meditation for a compound effect. (Click for more info)
Also, click below to get your own printable matrix and start tracking where your thoughts are landing:
We'll talk again soon, (even sooner if you enter your email below) but I want to leave you with this:
Our thoughts control who we are. What are you thinking?
If you're digging the knowledge, enter your email below and we'll chat more often...
Hey, I'm Jeff.
I'll help you supercharge your people skills so that you can have a more fulfilling career,
business & social life.
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