Early in Kobe Bryant’s career, legendary coach Phil Jackson pulled him aside one day and encouraged him to spend more time with his teammates rather than in his hotel room studying game tape. 

By 2009, Kobe was a leader on the court and in the locker room.

The Lakers won a championship that season.

As a social skills coach, I love that lesson - that all of us (whether we like it or not) - connected to and influenced by others.

But let’s dig a little deeper...

What made Kobe great?
​

• Talent? Check.
• A mind for the game? Check.
• Going to the gym at 4 AM? Check.

All those things matter, but every other elite NBA player did those things too.

So what was Kobe’s secret weapon?

He realized that he didn’t have to do it all on his own.

He had his team and coaches there to support him.

No one is a 10/10 in ALL areas of life. - we all need help from our peers, our mentors, and our coaches.

When I became self-employed, it was a huge shift.

Gone were coworkers, office small talk, and happy hours.

Instead, it was just me.

And the cat.

At first, it was nice.

"Finally, I can just put my head down and do the work!" I thought.

But, after a couple of months, I realized "Holy crap! I might accidentally become a hermit if I'm not careful."

When you're trying to learn (or in my case re-learn) how to become more social, it's effective to have a few tips to help you get on the right track.

These tips will help whether you're

• A soloprenuer
• A remote worker or freelancer
• Or you just need a social shot-in-the-arm to be more social.

Here's a sample of crappy advice you WON'T find in this article:

• "Just be yourself!" (This means nothing. You're always you.)
• "You should read How To Win Friends and Influence people!" (Good book. I'm just sick of hearing people recommend it like it's some kind of magic elixir.)
• "Make sure your handshake is firm and always on top. Show dominance." (WTF?!)

You ready?

Strap in.

​Here are 8 ways to become more social starting TODAY. 

Knowing how to introduce people is a great skill to have.

Example:  A friend's wedding.

At the reception, after grabbing a fresh drink, I saw my former co-worker, Michael.

He stood up and walked over, shook my hand, and we talked for a few minutes about the World Series.

As our conversation was wrapping up, he said "Hey! Let me introduce you to my wife."

What I was expecting: To walk over and be introduced with a simple "Hey, this is my buddy, Jeff."

Today, I'm turning 33! As my gift to you, here are 33 people skill tips that I've learned over the last 14 years.

1. Dialing up your energy a bit (+10%) when you’re being social makes it easier to have a good time.

2. Being curious will help you be interested in other people.

3. No one can mind-read. They have no clue what you’re thinking. You have no idea what they are thinking.

4. The spotlight effect is real. We all tend to overestimate the amount that other people notice and observe us.

5. It’s possible to view the same event 2 different ways. Ex: You say “Hi”. They brush past you instead of saying “Hi”. Negative view: “They must be mad at me.” Positive view: “They must be preoccupied, they probably didn’t hear me.”

You feel it...the death of your conversation.

"Some get the crash cart!!!"

You're standing there, it feels like hours since you've spoken. The ice in your drink slowly melts. 

We've all been there, wondering how to keep a conversation going when:

• Meeting a new person at a conference.
• Making small talk with a co-worker before the meeting.
• Sitting next to an acquaintance at happy hour.

When we can keep that conversation going, we can make new friends, better job opportunities, and become more successful.

So how do we do it?

Here are 8 ways to keep a conversation going & destroy awkward pauses forever:

What do LeBron James, Serena Williams, and Mike Trout all have in common?

They all make millions of dollars by tossing or hitting a ball?

Close.

They all have coaches.

Behind every top performer someone who can give that person perspective that they need.

Sure, pro athletes have coaches, but what if you're wanting to perform at a high level in your business, career, or social life?

Is there such a thing as a social confidence coach?

Absolutely. 
​
Cough...I am one...cough.

I want to walk you through 4 ways a social confidence coach can help you level up your social skills.

The importance of conversation skills: these skills can be the difference between having great friends, connections, and experiences and...not.

• In your business or career, good conversation skills can help you land a new client, or lay the groundwork for future promotions.
• In your social life, good conversation skills can help you get a date, or build a relationship with a potential lifelong friend. 

Today we're going to cover how to improve conversation skills. You can start using these 8 powerful tips today.

Let's dive in: Watch the video below, or read on...your call!

(These first two tips will help your conversation skills before you even open your mouth!)

Many of my readers ask me about how to make conversation. 

A conversation that feels natural and smooth.

Good news: These are learnable skills.

Having great conversation skills that you can "turn on" at a moments notice matter when you're:

• Applying for a new job and you're making small talk with the interviewer.
• You bump into your company's CEO at an office party. What will you say?
• You're on a first date where you know you want to make a great first impression.

The better you are with these soft interactions, the better your career, business and social life's trajectory will be.

And the best part?

These skills compound over time.

​Like investing in a 401K, the more connections you make, the easier it is to call up good friends, find jobs fast, and get introduced to more people who can change your life.

Here are 5 tips that you can use starting today to make better, more memorable conversations. 

Every one of these skills are effective individually, but when you stack them together, they become extremely powerful.

How to never run out of things to say...ah, this may be the holy grail of people skills...​

If you've ever had your mind spontaneously go blank in the middle of a conversation, then you know this feeling...

Searching your mind for something...anything to say.

​Yet, the harder you try to come up with something, the less you have to say.

Then the awkward silence creeps in...you might think to yourself:

"Why does my mind go blank all the time?"

That overthinking vortex sucks.

​I'm here to help.

​Recently I've received messages from people who are struggling with their minds going blank.
​
Messages like:

How can we craft a powerful message?

A message that says everything we need to say in a neat package?

A message that can inspire everyone from your small team at work, to tens of thousands when you're behind the camera or mic?

On this episode of Become More Compelling Radio, my friend Nicole Schwegman (@bffwiththechef on IG) is going to walk us through crafting a powerful, clear message.

Think of this episode as media training 101.

"But Jeff, I'm not media facing in my company, should I listen to this episode?"

YES!

Many of Nicole's tips will absolutely help if you're sitting down with media. (TV, Radio, Podcasts, etc.) But the lessons here are 100% applicable to you if you've ever:

• Sat down for a job interview.
• Had to answer tough questions asked by a boss.
• Lead a team of any size.

More about Nicole:

Nicole Schwegman is a public affairs officer in the U.S. military. She’s served in the Navy for nearly 16 years where she’s had the opportunity to help media train some of American’s most senior military leaders.

She is also a home chef, food enthusiast and the host of BFF with the Chef, the podcast that aims to make home cooks better in the kitchen by sharing cheffy insights from each week's culinary guest.

Disclaimer for this show: Nicole's opinions expressed in this episode are her own, they do NOT reflect the views or opinions of the U.S. military.

Listen to Nicole's podcast BFF with the Chef here

• 15:10 - Why having talking points is crucial.
• ​43:11 - Nicole teaches Fact, Bridge, Message (FBM). Your secret weapon for staying on message every time.
  
• 1:00:51 - How one of Nicole's students used FBM to handle a VERY tough question while on stage.