If you’re reading this article, it’s a pretty easy guess that at some point or another you’ve felt...well, boring.
Don’t worry! It happens to the best of us!
You want to be more interesting and engaging, but you just don’t know how to not be boring on the phone.
(Quick Tip: Smile. People can literally hear the smile in your voice even if they can’t see you.)
You want to enthrall the office with stories about your weekend adventures but you’re still Googling “how to not be boring on facetime” instead of doing it.
The good news is, you’re in the right place.
We’re going to cover how to not be boring from top to bottom. These aren’t just vague tips, but real steps you can take with action steps and homework.
As a social skills coach, I believe in a progressive step-by-step approach to self-improvement.
Start small, build confidence, repeat.
In this article you'll learn...
Questions are a great way to start a conversation at a barbecue, a Zoom networking event, or a party.
Questions can even help you move past small talk and into deeper topics. (Which studies suggest could make you happier!)
If you’ve ever struggled with thinking up questions to get to know someone better, this post is for you!
Pro-tip: Don’t ONLY ask questions. If you do, you’ll fall into the interrogation trap!
After your conversational partner responds, keep the conversation going by making an observation about what they said.
Look through the list below and copy/paste 5 of your favorite questions into the notes app on your phone.
Then, you’ll be all set to break the ice at your next social event!
I believe that everyone has the ability to improve their social skills and become more outgoing - you just have to tap into that outgoing part of yourself.
But as any introvert who’s tried to teach themselves how to be more outgoing can tell you - it’s not as easy as it sounds.
“Know thyself.” -Socrates
Socrates wasn’t playing around when he dropped this philosophical morsel on us.
He believed that the answer to all happiness and philosophical unrest was to look within where all knowledge already lives, waiting to be remembered.
I love this idea because it’s an equalizer.
We might have different starting points, but we can ALL improve and grow.
If you want to learn how to be more outgoing--you just need the mindsets and tactics to get there!
So let’s talk about how to be more outgoing as an introvert, step-by-step.
In this article you’ll learn:
Ready? Let’s dive in!
When I became self-employed, it was a huge shift.
Gone were coworkers, office small talk, and happy hours.
Instead, it was just me.
And the cat.
At first, it was nice.
"Finally, I can just put my head down and do the work!" I thought.
But, after a couple of months, I realized "Holy crap! I might accidentally become a hermit if I'm not careful."
When you're trying to learn (or in my case re-learn) how to become more social, it's effective to have a few tips to help you get on the right track.
These tips will help whether you're
Here's a sample of crappy advice you WON'T find in this article:
Here are 8 ways to become more social starting TODAY.
You feel it...the death of your conversation.
"Some get the crash cart!!!"
You're standing there, it feels like hours since you've spoken. The ice in your drink slowly melts.
We've all been there, wondering how to keep a conversation going when:
When we can keep that conversation going, we can make new friends, better job opportunities, and become more successful.
So how do we do it?
In this article, you'll learn:
Let's dive in!
Here are 9 ways to keep a conversation going & destroy awkward pauses forever:
The importance of conversation skills: these skills can be the difference between having great friends, connections, and experiences and...not.
Today we're going to cover how to improve conversation skills. You can start using these 8 powerful tips today.
In This Article, You'll Learn...
Let's dive in: Watch the video below, or read on...your call!
(These first two tips will help your conversation skills before you even open your mouth!)
Knowing how to introduce people is a great skill to have.
Example: A friend's wedding.
At the reception, after grabbing a fresh drink, I saw my former co-worker, Michael.
He stood up and walked over, shook my hand, and we talked for a few minutes about the World Series.
As our conversation was wrapping up, he said "Hey! Let me introduce you to my wife."
What I was expecting: To walk over and be introduced with a simple "Hey, this is my buddy, Jeff."
Early in Kobe Bryant’s career, legendary coach Phil Jackson pulled him aside one day and encouraged him to spend more time with his teammates rather than in his hotel room studying game tape.
By 2009, Kobe was a leader on the court and in the locker room.
The Lakers won a championship that season.
As a social skills coach, I love that lesson - that all of us (whether we like it or not) - connected to and influenced by others.
But let’s dig a little deeper...
What made Kobe great?
All those things matter, but every other elite NBA player did those things too.
So what was Kobe’s secret weapon?
He realized that he didn’t have to do it all on his own.
He had his team and coaches there to support him.
No one is a 10/10 in ALL areas of life. - we all need help from our peers, our mentors, and our coaches.
What do LeBron James, Serena Williams, and Mike Trout all have in common?
They all make millions of dollars by tossing or hitting a ball?
They all have coaches.
Behind every top performer someone who can give that person perspective that they need.
Sure, pro athletes have coaches, but what if you're wanting to perform at a high level in your business, career, or social life?
Is there such a thing as a social confidence coach?
Cough...I am one...cough.
I want to walk you through 4 ways a social confidence coach can help you level up your social skills.
If you've ever wondered how to make a great first impression you're not alone.
Here are a few messages from my readers who want to master first impressions.
It’s okay if you’ve made some cringe worthy first impressions.
Take this gem from my wife:
A few years ago she was at her boss' house for a party.
She was joking around with some of her coworkers, who were on the other side of the room.
She playfully extends her middle finger.
At that PRECISE MOMENT her boss' father turns around and intercepts the middle finger.
I imagine that space and time slowed down while my wife watched him go through different emotions. Confusion, disbelief, denial, shock, sadness, and finally disdain.
After the fabric of reality had stabilized, he looked away while saying "How RUDE."
This story makes me laugh every time.
First impressions are crucial:
Here’s the deal with first impressions: after people make up their mind about you, (Some studies say in as little as 1/10th of a second) they use confirmation bias to only look for evidence to back up their initial impression.
I’m not here to sugar coat things. I’m here to supercharge your people skills.
So what can you do to reliably create great first impressions with almost everyone you meet?
Here Are 8 Uncommon Tips To Make A Great First Impression
It all starts with your mindset because 80% of the work is done before you ever shake hands...
What top performers do:
1. Get barely enough information.
2. Don't overthink it.
3. Act rapidly.
When you're learning how to communicate with confidence, it's crucial to take action quickly. The great thing about people skills is that you get plenty of chances to practice.
Let's talk about a time where I wasn't a top performer...
Ever notice how life seems effortless for people who have a little extra confidence?
So what's the deal? Are these people mutants who have these unattainable traits that you can't have?
Whether you’re leading a meeting, pitching a new client, or starting conversations at happy hour, confident communication is one of the most important skills you can have.
Each of the following three skill is powerful but I recommend stacking all three skills for maximum impact.
1. Eliminate Qualifying Words
Confident communication killers
You're in a meeting, your boss asks you a straightforward question about next steps on a project.
"Well, I just think that we maybe should consider...”
You trail off.
Somewhere I am softly weeping while lighting a candle in memory of your fallen confidence and credibility.
Did you water down your message until it's unrecognizable?
(This is a "hidden truth" that almost NO ONE acknowledges, but everyone feels.)
When we use timid language we get timid results...the ripple effects are wide-ranging:
In the short term, we may not persuade people at the meeting, but spread out over 20-30 years, it can have a gigantic impact on our life's trajectory.
So what can we do to fix it? I want you to repeat after me:
“It is okay to present myself confidently.”
Step one: admitting to yourself that it's OKAY to test a new approach.
Step two: addition by subtraction. In most cases, you'll delete confidence undercutting words from your vocabulary.
This is simple, but not easy.
At first, you'll use the same timid words, only this time, you'll notice them.
Over time, you'll be able to use alternatives or (in most cases) stop using those qualifying words altogether.
Use this action step to help:
Over the last few months I’ve received dozens of emails from people who are struggling with how to have better group conversations.
This guide will help you when it comes to:
Tell me if these ring true for you:
“I just feel like I’ll be bothering them if I walk up and start talking…”
“What if they all know each other?!”
“I don’t want to have to be LOUD and interrupt people! it’s just not who I am...”
That’s why I created this guide for you, to help you smoothly join a group so that you can…
...meaningfully contribute to group conversations at work without feeling awkward and self conscious.
...Easily make new friends and contacts at a conference.
...feel comfortable and enjoy group conversations at a party.
And on a deeper level:
...have options of who you surround yourself with. Which as it turns out, has a huge influence on success
...feel like you are the kind of person who can thrive in social situations (which will make it more likely that you will thrive even more in group conversations, creating a virtuous cycle)
In this guide you’ll find some of the best strategies for joining and contributing in group conversations.
To create this guide, I pulled from my experience having 90,000 conversations over 11 years...but I knew that wouldn’t be enough.
I also did a LOT of research into what works and what doesn’t.
You don’t have to look in 100 different places and piece together quality, actionable information.
It’s all right here for you.
Let’s swan-dive in…
Have you ever been at a conference, a cookout, or a networking event and you felt that twinge that says "You should talk to that person".
At this point, like a split in the road we have two choices:
A. Check your instagram for the 231st time today.
B. Start that conversation.
When we meet new people, we get to expand our circle of people. This could lead to a business partnership, a new best friend, or a new client. But you'll never know unless you open your mouth.
There’s a phrase my mentor likes to say:
“90% of the work is done before you enter the room.”
It’s easier to start a conversation after you’ve had a successful conversation.
But how do you start those conversations?
Enter Conversational Muscle Memory.
Conversational Muscle Memory is built on the idea that when you start small, low-stakes conversations throughout your day, it's easier to start more conversations because you’ve built momentum.
Once you’ve built that momentum, it’ll be easier to start a conversation with that one person you really want to talk to at happy hour.
I explain more in this video:
On this episode of BMC Radio, the podcast where I help you supercharge your charisma and people skills I have my friend Paul Sanders (@PaulSandersSCP) from Get The Friends You Want.
Paul Sanders is a friendship & social skills coach, and author of the "Get The Friends You Want" book. He helps people overcome social hesitation, master conversation and social skills, make friends and build a social circle.
In an age where human connection seems to be tipping more screen than face, I think honing your friendship skills is only getting more important, especially if you're working remote, or starting a business and don't have the traditional 9-5 office culture to fall back on.
In this conversation, we talk about how to build a friendship circle, how to easily connect and build rapport with many different types of people, books on social dynamics, and much more.
Free gift for BMC listeners:
7 Most Common Mistakes Peoples People Make When They Try To Improve Their Social Life (And How To Avoid Them)
I'll help you supercharge your people skills so that you can have a more fulfilling career,
business & social life.
Over the last 15 years, I’ve learned... (Read More)
• 8 Uncommon Tips To Make A Great First Impression
• The Ultimate Guide To Joining & Enjoying Group Conversations
• How to Never Run Out of Things to Say