I told you about a friend of mine who had a habit of disagreeing with EVERYTHING.
And I asked you about your friends...and what less than desirable social habits they have that NO ONE calls them out on.
I got some fascinating responses:
"It almost makes me not want to invite him to dinner..."
I want to ask you a question, but first I wanted to tell you about how that friend of mine DID get called out on his disagreeing habit. But probably not in the way you'd expect.
A friend read the blog post and told me about how [Name Redacted] was in a conversation, and our friend Shaun said:
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"Before you respond, I want you to pause for 20 seconds, reflect on what I said, then respond."
I thought this was so interesting. Shaun knew that simply telling [Name Redacted] that he is a chronic disagreer would only result in...you guessed it...a disagreement.
Shaun recognized that disagreeing was simply a habit, a pattern that needed to be interrupted.
By interrupting that pattern, he was allowing [Name Redacted] to arrive at that realization on his own.
Powerful, yet subtle stuff.
We ALL have these social blind-spots that we would likely NEVER discover on our own.
Unless we ask for feedback.
My question is:
How could you ask your friends to give you honest feedback on your social skills, so you can improve?
Some things to consider:
- How would you have to phrase the question so that you don't get the generic "You're perfect just the way you are!" response. How specific would you have to be?
- Would you have to ask more than one person to get multiple points of view?
- How would you deal with what they told you?
- Would you dismiss it, internalize and make it part of your identity? (Not good)
- Or would you simply smile, shake their hand, and start working to improve it?
Get the feedback, then leave a comment telling me what you've learned about yourself.
(I'm going to do this too, we're in this together!)
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